The Big Picture: Make a Pledge to the Eighteen Year Plan. There are No Do-Overs in Parenting.

Babe Ruth League, Inc. provides baseball to young men through the age of eighteen. Yes, a lot of changes take place at the age of eighteen. For most, playing baseball starts to become less of a reality and more of a memory.

Note that I described eighteen year old players as “young men” and not “kids” in the paragraph above. I still hear men aged twenty-five plus referred to as “kids” by older adults.They mean no harm by it. Perhaps its is a term of endearment. But I fear that the term has entered our collective conscience and reflects a misunderstanding in our culture about who is defined as an adult.

Somewhere between the age of thirteen and eighteen, boys and girls become young men and women. I think we need to to start referring to them this way. We at least need to stop calling them “kids.”

The instincts of parents are to protect their children. And that is certainly understandable when they are young. But parents should ready their children for adulthood as they age because, once they hit eighteen, they are considered adults under the law. When that happens, they legally are not under parental care anymore. You can expect them to be charged as adults for crimes. Their grades, their medical treatment (click here) are their private affairs unless they consent to your involvement.

Here is a nifty publication put out by the Virginia State Bar Association and Conference of Local Bar Associations that explains what turning eighteen means. While it it is specific to Virginia, much of what is covered there applies in other states as well.

Overall, after the age of eighteen  is reached, the ability of a parent to act as a parent is diminished. It does not get any better when the children get older and they may show resistance at an earlier age than eighteen for sure. So it pays to start the training early.

I think what every parent needs to do when they first get a glimpse of their bundle and joy is to pledge, right there and then, that they will do everything possible to make their son or daughter as self-sufficient as possible by the age of eighteen. I’m not talking about being financially self-sufficient. In this job market, that may have to come later. I’m talking about being emotionally self-sufficient. That’s the goal.

Yes, there may be a few things that a parent misses along the way. That’s okay. It’s to be expected. As parents, none of us is perfect. But that’s not an excuse  give anything less than 100% to reach the goal. Do not use your lack of perfection as a crutch or an excuse to avoid addressing issues. It is simply an acknowledgment that if we miss something as parents, it wasn’t due to lack of trying at every opportunity.

Once you make the pledge, it serves as a reminder of the big picture along the way. Those eighteen years pass fast and, once they’re gone, you can’t get them back. There are no “do-overs” in parenting.

Think of your son or daughter as an investment. The pay-off for you is when you invest your time and energy into your child, there is a better chance of having a healthy and productive adult. Any time, energy or money spent on giving your son or daughter an adult skill-set is an investment that will pay you back and more. The earlier you start, the easier it is to gain your son or daughter’s respect and attention to accomplish these goals.

If that is not enough incentive, then consider the consequences of failing to invest in your son or daughter during this time frame.The failure to invest the time and energy early on could place a parent into the position of trying to parent their children for the rest of their lives.

I can hear some folks objecting to that last statement. They think once a parent, always a a parent. Yes, that’s true in the formal sense. But practically speaking, a parent’s ability to influence the lives of their children diminishes as they grow older.

You may be asking, what does any of this have to do with baseball or any sport? It is often said that baseball, or any sport, can teach life lessons. I don’t think I can say it any better than Steven Tellefsen, President of Babe Ruth League, Inc., in this article where he itemizes many of the life lessons baseball can teach.  You can use baseball as a tool for learning life lessons and that is what Babe Ruth baseball or any sport is really all about.

In the next blog posting, I will discuss one specific life skill that baseball can teach and what can be done to enhance that experience.

What are your thoughts about the eighteen year plan?